I’ve been quiet for awhile now, dear seekers, but not for lack of wanting to share with you.
No, the desire to share has been present and willing. The rest of me has been too exhausted, too silent, too encased in on old enemy to be able to set fingers to keyboard.
No fascinating lead up, no drum roll, just a few last phrases before I reveal that cursed, hated name: EXPERIMENTATION
Yes, if any one out there knows me they know I love to experiment on myself and the people around me. Pull them out of or put them in certain situations just to see how they are handled. THEN, based on how its handled adjust my life and how I treat them accordingly.
Problem: I have a habit of always wanting to solve peoples problems. I reach out waaaayyyy more than I should. And not to mention being accused of having a "need to be needed" thing.
So to test it out...
RULES:
1)No attempting to help anyone through whatever problems they were going through.
2)No initiations of any kind. Hang outs, calls, etc.
3) Don't share what Im going through. (no blog :( ) This was more to not be hypocritical.
3) Follow all the way frm 9/1/11 to 10/15/11
Results: I didn't really have many rules as you can see. But I followed them to the letter. Anyone that wanted my thoughts, I merely would state that that what I thought was irrelevant, and to handle how they wanted. Hangouts, I said no. And it all seemed to turn out pretty good in my eyes.
Some friends, I no longer have. Some relationships are a tad strained. And others are fine. But then again no one is around forever so its all a part of life.
Funny thing is, i started this mentally justifying this as a test for the outside. To prove that they didn't need me or whatever, but in hindsight i see it more as a test for myself. To see if I could stop myself from being the hero all the time. To see if I was capable of being selfish.
Either way.. its over now... and I can blog again. *exhales*
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