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"With salvation comes damnation, you can't have one without the other. To be enlightened is a blessing and a curse that not many people can live with." ~Apathy

Monday, October 22, 2012

You

You have been sent to this world from a world that is much higher. You are here on a mission and you cannot leave until your duty has been fulfilled. You were called forth to be: a light for those who are surrounded by darkness, eyes for those who cannot see, strength for those who are weak, a giver to those who are  in need, and to deliver wisdom to those who seek. You were made to be a leader. This is your greatest gift. This is your essence, your destiny.

You have had a long and painful road leading to your fate. You’ve experienced an even more harrowing journey struggling to resist, and rewrite your calling. Once you realized the severity of your responsibility you wanted nothing to do with it. It frightened you.

Little small you. You thought, “How could someone ask so much of me? Was my life not meant for me?”

At that point, you became frozen on your path before you could even take the first step. You were helpless to conquer the fear you had of yourself and the fear of the unknown. You were impotent in your ability to face your own destiny.  You fled,  hid yourself away from the world, safe and comfortable in your space. Terrified of living a life that was bigger than you. You were selfish and thought “what about me?”  You swam against your own current and masked until you could no longer endure.

You collapsed into what was left of your sanity. You tried to rationalize an end to the madness. The entity of your calling was always with you. Yet in the depths of your deepest heart you knew it was a crucial part of you. Because as much as you tried to hide within the world, you never fit. Without this part, you remain incomplete. Lying and biding has done nothing but stolen time and life from you. This…. mess is what your fear has reduced you to.  This fiasco couldn't have be any further from who YOU truly are called here to be. Realize that by running, you will never be free.


“ Not all those who wander are lost.” -J.R.R Tolkien


From now on, consider yourself a wanderer, you’ve been a wanderer for all of your life. But you’re not lost, merely in search of something great. Something has always been there pulling you in. A cosmic fastening of your soul to something extraordinary. You can feel this energy in every second of your existence. You feel that the great energy pulling you in is the higher you. The you that has finished the journey, still connected with you guiding you through the obstacles of your physical and spiritual life. You whole heartedly want to reach your goal. There is only one way to achieve such tranquility.

You must reach far past your spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental boundaries. You must relinquish your comfort and take the first step on a jagged path of uncertainty. You must be brave in order to be whole. All things must come to an end otherwise nothing would ever get started.

 
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Monday, October 15, 2012

Motivation

WHAT IS MOTIVATION? IF YOU COULD DESCRIBE IT IN WORDS, WHICH ONES WOULD YOU USE?

I had coffee with a few friends yesterday (well earlier today). Something that I rarely do for two reasons. Reason 1 being, I dislike coffee. Reason 2 being that I dislike coffee shops. They're filled with all packed to the rafters with, a lady with a dog in her purse and oversized sunglasses, cargo shorts mafia idiots, fake life coaches, high tech homeless people, pouty jerks with no sense of others space, and sideways sports car parking douche bags. Now normally I can take these people in small doses, but not in one giant cluster fueled by caffeine and pumps of syrup.

But, that isn't the point. (This is going to be one of those horrible stories that eventually get to the point)

There were a few plus ones in our group yesterday ( a friend of a friend that doesn't quite belong but you're nice too anyway), and as we were sharing news and catching up one of my friends inquired about the progress of my book. 
Now if it were just a cluster of my friends (as opposed to a mixed group of friends, associates, and plus ones) I would have beamed as I gave a full report on the happenings. But since that wasn't the case, I gave a very general and apathetic update. Which of course resulted in the question from the unknowing, 
"You wrote a book?" 

Now if you know me in the real world, you know that I hate focus being on me when there are unfamiliars in the mix. I prefer to watch, I prefer to listen, I prefer to talk about any other topic in the universe besides myself. So my friends weren't surprised when questions directed at me were met with general and concise answers that didn't leave room for elaboration. So when the very brief Q&A was over John, one of the plus ones concluded with 

"With working all the time, I just don't see where you even had time to motivate yourself to write a book, it's amazing." 

He had no animosity in his words, and I could tell he was genuinely complimenting me. So with a smile on my face I just shrugged and said, "Well motivation is really just selfishness held under a positive light. Anyone can do it." 
This is where I get to the interesting part, because the 15 word phrase that I intended to be for me to make light of something someone else say as huge backfired, and a different plus one took offense to my words. 

"Are you saying that anyone that is motivated is selfish?" he asked for clarification.

"In a way." I confirmed before Amanda, our mutual friend attempted to change the subject. 

"I'm an extremely motivated person and I don't think I'm selfish at all." He rebutted.

"Ok, well if that's how you feel." I shrugged attempting to return to my coffee.

"No, no. No no. Explain your reasoning." He demanded.

"Sure, " I shrugged nonchalantly and then went on to explain what motivation was to me. 
That everything we do, every means to an end no matter what the circumstances is fueled by concern with OURSELVES.  Getting something we WANT is our fuel to do EVERYTHING. 
Why do we work hard? To get the things we want, need, or deserve from life. 
Why do we  help people? Because it  makes us feel better. 
Why do we not help people? Because we have to help ourselves before we can help others. 
Why do we attempt to be good people? Because whether you believe in Karma, God, or something else, we all have hopes that it will benefit us in the long run. 

And then he argued, "No because I have helped and done things for people I love with no regard for myself,  purely selfless actions."

HA selfish and selfless are still SELF. Anything we view as a selfless act is really just the fact that we LOVE someone so much that their happiness is our happiness, which still pleases US. As humans, being SELF FOCUSED is in our design and whenever we hear a story of success or triumph the only thing we are thinking is "that can be ME".  I'm not saying it is wrong, but its a truth people rarely see. The fact that we view selfish as wrong is the only thing that makes you not see.

 We went back and forth for a good ten minutes, until he eventually ran out of rebuttals and I won. 
Anywho, I just thought I would share one of the realest debates I've had in a while since I missed blogging. I'll make an effort to do it more. 
Until next time, 
Apathy

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