I have a weird crush-cycle when it comes to guys. It starts out that I meet the guy, think he is hot or cute, want to see him again right away, and then after meeting him a second time think he is not my type or not that attractive anymore. The whole thing usually lasts 2, maybe 3, days tops.
Lately I’ve been trying to figure out why I have such a cycle? It can’t be healthy to never get attached to a guy, right? Sure I liked Kyle, but he was one of those 2-day crushes until he showed definite interest in me. If there is one thing that can flip the switch on a girl it’s having a clear sign that someone is interested in them (well unless you’re creepy- then that’ll just break her switch to be stuck in the “off” position permanently)
Upon deep meditation a I realized a few reasons.
1) I am always sure that the guy will soon find one of the prettier girls at church to develop a crush on (and they do). Don’t think I’m not confident in myself or bitter, but that’s just the way things go.
2) Unless a guy shows any definite interest back to me I will drop him completely. I know only giving it 2 days is really stupid, but I’m not one to put a lot of energy into pursuing a guy. I’ve done the whole pursuing-a-guy-for-YEARS thing and the idea of wasting so much time again makes me groan. Why the heck should something that isn’t even guaranteed to happen take so much effort?! It makes no sense to me!
3) I’ve just settled into the idea that there is no point in even trying. There, I admit it. After nearly 2 years in LIMBO I must admit I’ve become a cynic. You just get to the point where you realize you’re not the bright-eyed 23 that everyone sees and that love is gonna find you at any moment. Somewhere down the line you quit trying to take an interest in anyone and start looking for ways to get back home so you can sart over and be bright-eyed once again. Boy did this quickly turn morbid… Totally did not intend that…
I may have realized through writing this post that I have grown cynical about the whole dating thing, but on the flip-side it’s made me bright-eyed about a lot of other good things. I’m way more focused on having a career and being successful when I graduate, I try to have better relationships with my sister and friends that I might not have if I were working on a relationship (despite that I’m convinced my sister is actually a robot, but that’s for another post), and if I were with someone I wouldn’t be able to maintain my bromances so freely (now that Im down to two. Again another post) .
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