One of my most favorite lines of all time. Mainly because it describes how I feel completely.
I honestly don't think there was ever a time that I didn't have a wall around my self in some way. There was no tragic event in my childhood that triggered mental self defenses, but even at a young age, there they were, several walls that kept everything that was essentially me hidden from the world.
In my early years, though I had no reason for them, the walls allowed me to feel protected. And as i entered through situations where a girl like myself could have literally been destroyed, I was even grateful for them. At one with the titanium fortresses that protected my heart, mind, and body I interacted in life well. So well that many people didn't even notice I had them up at all.
I realized quickly in life that most people were easily pacified. A smile and a laugh here, good advice and a lending ear there. Since humans as a whole are more self involved than we like to admit as long as their immediate need for you is met they don't inquire further.
Every now and then I would get people that cared enough to attempt to dig a little deeper, and I would let them through a gate or two but found myself disheartened when they became complacent how far they got. Like something as general as learning my middle name or as infinitesimal as what foods I like or don't like really cracked the code that is me. And the more disheartened I got the more apathetic. Then love drove me the rest of the way.
Do I find myself hopeless...no.
Just for the time being there is no cause that has made me passionate enough to make me fight for, and for right now my own worst enemy is my lack of interest.
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