*ok..note. This is something that has been in the queue to post for months now. Around the time I disappeared for a few weeks. I was debating on the impression of weakness it would send but now I'm not anymore. Because no matter how ppl react to it, its real....*
Most people in my life view me as this unpenetrable fortification. To some, I act as the support beams that hold up their house of security. To others, I'm the dam that shields them from the harsh waters that are the reality of life, violently attempting to break thru. To some I act as the bridge, that literally carries them from one place in life to the next. And the rest, I'm a combination of all three.
I love them so this is instinctual, for me to be the rock.
They came to me, whether they conciously or subconcisouly knew that they needed me. My advice is normally taken, mainly because I have a way of telling people what they need to hear in a way you want to hear it. Others I just say what's best and not care if I'm hated for it.
I became awesome at what I did. Letting everyone around me feel safe in their own worlds fitting where I could and accepted where I was placed. Viewed as the best friend, the sister, mother and mother figure. And unfortunately to some even the last resort, the forgotten, and even the scapegoat. Constantly working to improve and be positive reinforcements to everyone around me. Using the high from being one persons "rock" as fuel to propel me into being the next persons.
Since forever I've been deeply fascinated by the pyramids. They've been through countless centuries of the worst, famines, plagues, extreme weather, and wars. But yet they are still standing. I've compared myself to them on endless occasions being naturally strong, no correction un naturally, and despite how difficult the task I get through it head held high and remain intact.
In my head detaching my personal needs from all except one to help me keep my sanity would always give me the appearance of the rock everyone relied on. Considering I had been through hell personally and for others and still stood I knew I could continue forever.
But the truth is, I've been lying to myself, and those harsh waves of life I've been protecting you from are the cause of my own erosion. Maybe not above the surface, where you can see, but the damage is there. Ant to be honest it's to the point where it is starting to effect me physically. The running to care for this person and that person leaves me with no room to care for myself.
And i don't want this to be viewed as complaining because if I love you enough I don't regret any of it. But I am loving you all to the point that I am committing suicide. And I hate being weak, whether people are around it see it or not.
So what do I do?
I take a sabatical.
I pull myself back to reinforce my foundation and comeback strong enough to support you and myself. I won't tell u where I am, but I've tied up all loose ends for the duration of my absence how ever long it is. The only thing that I ask... is in this the only thing I ask is that you give me the space I need to heal. Because at the end of the day it's just as much for you as it is for me.
So I will sign this,
The realest confession I will ever make......
I love them so this is instinctual, for me to be the rock.
They came to me, whether they conciously or subconcisouly knew that they needed me. My advice is normally taken, mainly because I have a way of telling people what they need to hear in a way you want to hear it. Others I just say what's best and not care if I'm hated for it.
I became awesome at what I did. Letting everyone around me feel safe in their own worlds fitting where I could and accepted where I was placed. Viewed as the best friend, the sister, mother and mother figure. And unfortunately to some even the last resort, the forgotten, and even the scapegoat. Constantly working to improve and be positive reinforcements to everyone around me. Using the high from being one persons "rock" as fuel to propel me into being the next persons.
Since forever I've been deeply fascinated by the pyramids. They've been through countless centuries of the worst, famines, plagues, extreme weather, and wars. But yet they are still standing. I've compared myself to them on endless occasions being naturally strong, no correction un naturally, and despite how difficult the task I get through it head held high and remain intact.
In my head detaching my personal needs from all except one to help me keep my sanity would always give me the appearance of the rock everyone relied on. Considering I had been through hell personally and for others and still stood I knew I could continue forever.
But the truth is, I've been lying to myself, and those harsh waves of life I've been protecting you from are the cause of my own erosion. Maybe not above the surface, where you can see, but the damage is there. Ant to be honest it's to the point where it is starting to effect me physically. The running to care for this person and that person leaves me with no room to care for myself.
And i don't want this to be viewed as complaining because if I love you enough I don't regret any of it. But I am loving you all to the point that I am committing suicide. And I hate being weak, whether people are around it see it or not.
So what do I do?
I take a sabatical.
I pull myself back to reinforce my foundation and comeback strong enough to support you and myself. I won't tell u where I am, but I've tied up all loose ends for the duration of my absence how ever long it is. The only thing that I ask... is in this the only thing I ask is that you give me the space I need to heal. Because at the end of the day it's just as much for you as it is for me.
So I will sign this,
The realest confession I will ever make......
Posts
